I think the last month of pregnancy goes by more slowly than the previous eight. It's a wonderful time of relishing the moments I have with Kyle and preparing for Jackson's arrival, coupled with the complete and total uncomfortableness of being a walking whale and having my skin stretched beyond reason. I've been so blessed with an uneventful and uncomplicated pregnancy, but even at best, pregnancy has tested my physical and mental limits and endurance.

In the last week, I've found this inner realization of being READY. Even for the challenge and sure pain of labor. I'm to a point of "bring it on"! The intensity of delivery, the joy of having Jackson in our arms, the adjustment to sustaining a life, learning to breastfeed, and yes, even the sleepless nights and dirty diapers. God promises to give us exactly what we require to do what He calls us to and I am ready to see His grace in action in this new adventure.

Believe me, lest I come across as cocky - I know that this is going to be a BIG adjustment, a MASSIVE challenge and that I will probably, at some point, wish to "return to sender" my dear boy. But sometimes, you just know that something is right, no matter how hard or big it is, and that you are particularly equipped by a BIG God to do exactly that thing. No matter how bad is scares you because you have no earthly idea how it is going to work. For whatever reason, God has chosen me to be Jack's mommy and for Kyle to be Jack's daddy and relying on His strength and wisdom alone (along with wisdom He has given to lots of helpful people in our lives), we can do this parenting thing.

I know for sure that there will be many, many days that I tell God, "I can't do this!" I am certain there will be moments where I just want to cry right along with my son as he wails about who-knows-what. But I am equally sure that there will be many moments of joy, laughter, and sweetness. And really, at the end of my life, will I remember the dreadful days of teething baby and cranky toddler that refuses to obey? I doubt it. I imagine that those memories will be eclipsed by happy moments of running in the sprinkler and eating popsicles in the summer breeze.

Perhaps I am an idealist, or just have too much faith in the Lord I love and know, but I think this (becoming a mom) is going to be a Very Good Thing in my life. I so want to live and mother intentionally and with much joy. To snatch up each moment and worship the Creator of this little life. To look to Jesus for strength and joy when I do not want to be a mom anymore.

Thankfully, I have many, many wonderful women in my life that have walked this road or are currently and are doing an amazing job with the Lord's help. I am unbelieveably grateful to have their examples before me and to know that I can call them in tears or laughter, sharing the burden of motherhood with people that understand and can offer support. I am blessed to have mommy-friends that can tell me if it's normal for my kid to have such and such a problem or how to deal with situation-X.

And have I mentioned what an amazing husband I have? I cannot. for one minute. imagine going through pregnancy without the incredible support Kyle is. He has sacrificed and given and blessed me throughout each phase of this - through new aches and pains, fears and worries and me sobbing about silly things. I know he is going to be an awesome dad and will help me so much with this transition. I hope the Lord blesses him abundantly for all he does to provide and protect and love our family. He's a gem.

Now....I think I need to make some cookies before the two of us go see a movie this afternoon. Cookies sound really, really good right now. And it will pass SOME time while...........we................wait.............